


We can learn to love again

by iranoutofstars



Category: Legacies (TV 2018)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-02
Updated: 2019-02-02
Packaged: 2019-10-20 21:45:58
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,425
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17630228
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iranoutofstars/pseuds/iranoutofstars
Summary: Josie is still hurt about what happened the day of her Birthday. There is only one person that can help her chase her dreams away.





	1. Written in the scars on our hearts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's more than just empty sheets between their love

Josie huffed loudly as she fell back on the materass, panting.

She let her mind dwell only briefly on how good the girl next to her could make her feel. It didn't matter how good her touch felt on her body, how her fingertips could burn her skin as if she was trying to mark her as her own. It didn't matter how her heart involuntary fluttered when she saw the look of pure ecstasy on the raven-haired's face. She couldn't fall for that girl again. Making that mistake twice would have been pure and simple stupidity.

She only needed a second to regain her normal breathing (and maybe another one for her legs to stop feeling like jelly) and then she could go back to her life, pretending she didn't just have sex with her ex.

"This is the last time," she said in between deep breaths, her words were meant to sound sure and final, but they just came out as barely more than a promise she had no intention of keeping. Just like the other times she had said that.

Penelope turned to look at her, still trying to catch her breath as well. If it had been anybody else, she would have replied something snarky, something about how she had heard that sentence before, but that wasn't just anybody else. That was Josie. So she just nodded, swallowing her pride, her fears and her wishes, playing along to a game she knew it was way over her head.

Josie didn't need to look at her to see the confirmation, so she just sat up on the edge of the bed, passing a hand through her hair to try and untangle the mess that Penelope's hand had made while tugging at them in the heat of the moment.

Penelope couldn't tear her eyes off of her back, looking at every inch of smooth, bare skin.

When they first fell in bed together, a couple of nights after Josie's return from Europe, Penelope was so happy to be able to touch Josie again in that intimate way that she didn't want to think twice about it. But as the time passed and the 'one time' became almost a daily occurrence, she realized that the person next to her wasn't the Josie she was still undeniably in love with.

The need for physical contact and satisfaction, the almost obsessive reassurance that what they were doing was casual and sporadic made Penelope aware of just how much the brunette was hurting. She noticed quickly how what they were doing was nothing more than a way to try and escape the nightmares and memories that resonated with her after her Birthday party.

Yet, Penelope was too scared to confront Josie about it, too afraid of losing that intimacy she had craved so much since their break up, too lost in the sense of pride she felt when she thought of how Josie had chosen her to help her chase her demons away.

After their orgasm and the unconvinced promise of that being the last time, Penelope was inevitably filled with a sense of guilt and heartbreak that she couldn't shake and it was starting to become impossible to shove it into a dark corner of her mind.

She knew that the casual sex they were having wasn't doing anybody any good, she knew Josie needed actual help and she could feel her heart break a little more every time the brunette left her bed trying as hard as possible not to meet her eyes, as if she was ashamed of the act. As if Penelope was nothing more than a mean to an end.

"Josie?" The dark haired muttered softly and if the other witch had turned around she could have seen just how much pain her face betraying.

"Mmh?" The girl replied, scanning the floor, trying to locate her bra in the mess they had made.

"Are you ok?" Penelope asked, she wasn't sure why she bothered asking that question, she knew what the answer would be and she knew better than to believe it, but she still hoped for it to change. Maybe that day Josie was going to be honest with her. Maybe that was the day she would let her in.

"Yeah, I'm fine." Josie replied quickly, without even thinking twice about it, like an over rehearsed line. Out of instinct.

Or maybe that day was like any other day.

Penelope felt a pang of sadness tugging at her heart and she huffed, laying back in bed, wondering how much longer she was going to pretend they were fine.

"You know how it goes. No mention of this." Josie said matter-of-factly, as if she was making a transaction. "And... I'll guess I'll see you around." She added getting up while buttoning up her shirt.

"Josie," Penelope started voice soft, she wanted to tell her everything she thought. "Are you sure you are ok?" She asked instead, frustrated at her own cowardice.

The brunette looked at her strangely, then she scoffed.

"Like you actually care." She spat back coldly.

Penelope was momentarily taken aback, that was definitely not her Josie, but in the last few months she had been acting that way more and more and the raven-haired was worried.

"Don't say..." She started to say but she was quickly stopped by the other girl, who raised her hand, indicating her to shut up.

"This arrangement doesn't include pillow talk," she said with an amount of malice that Penelope would have never thought she was capable of producing.

"We are not together, you made sure of that, remember?" She asked.

Penelope closed her mouth. She definitely deserved that. She did screw up, after all, but the fact that Josie couldn't see how in love with her she still was, was bewildering.

"Anything else to say?" Josie asked.

And Penelope was about to say that yes, she did have a lot to say indeed. She wanted to say how much she cared and that she could see right through her act and a whole more, but she was yet again possessed by the panic at the idea of Josie detaching from her completely. The raven-haired was scared that confronting her would result in the end of their arrangement and no matter how twisted or selfish or painful it was, she couldn't let go of having Josie in her bed again, she just wasn't ready for that.

"Thought so." The brunette said after the lack of answer from Penelope.

She checked herself in the mirror attached to the door, making sure her clothes were spotless and her hair were presentable and she exited the room without another word.

Penelope covered her eyes with her arm, feeling her nose prickling, her eyes threatening to spill those tears she was trying so hard to contain.

She definitely couldn't keep that up for much longer.


	2. Just a little bit's enough

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I, your willing victim"

Another week passed. Another week of what Josie regarded as meaningless sex. Other seven days of Penelope's heart tearing up a bit more.

The girl had tried to convince herself that if she had to suffer to make the brunette feel a little better even for just a bit, it was worth it.

She tried to push away the reality, tried to focus on how she was helping.

Deep down she knew she wasn't. No matter how much she wanted to believe that things would go back into place on their own accord, the witch knew they couldn't, but she was still unwilling to face Josie. Afraid of worsening things for her.

"Hey, Penelope, are you listening to me?" MG asked.  
They had been studying in the library for the past hour, or better they had their books open, but neither of them could concentrate long enough to make it past the first paragraph.

"Mmh?" The witch asked forcing herself to drag her eyes away from the brunette she had been staring at for the better part of the last half an hour.

"I asked you if you talked to Josie recently." The vampire repeated.

"No, why?" The raven-haired lied, suddenly more interested than ever in what the boy had to say.

"I just... She doesn't look like her normal self." He said. "I know she's stressed about the exams coming up and everything, but I thought maybe we could see if she needs a break from all the studying or something." He added. Penelope fought the urge to scoff. Josie was definitely not off because of exams, she had always thrived under the pressure of an upcoming test, she knew that very well.

"Yeah, sure, I'll go ask her, yeah?" Penelope replied instead, maybe she could convince Josie to take a break. Maybe in a more public setting she would have been less inclined to shoot her down so quickly. She stood up, trying to gather as much of her characteristic confidence as possible.

"Hey Josie," she said tapping the girl's shoulder to get her attention. When she turned around, Penelope had to remind herself to breathe. The brunette looked so beautiful with that confused and slightly angered look on her face, her brow furrowed and her hair gathered in a messy bun.

"Yes...?" Josie asked after the raven-haired failed to say anything else.  
That look of snapping impatience wasn't one that you would usually see on the twin's face, if it had been a couple of months before, Josie would have smiled sweetly, maybe make a joke about how quiet she was. But that wasn't a couple of months ago, not in the slightest.

"Ehm, yeah,..." Penelope stammered, trying to clear her mind. "I was wondering if you wanted to come with me to that coffee shop you love so much." She said after a long sigh. "You know, take a break. Plus, who doesn't need coffee these days?" She asked with a quick smirk, clasping her hands together to try and calm herself.

When they were together, Penelope was constantly nervous around Josie, although she never showed it, the kind of nervous that brings butterflies and embarrassing giggles, but in that moment the dark-haired was filled with another kind of nervousness, the kind that makes one beg for approval and demand to be noticed and that was definitely not her style. She had never met someone who could make her scared of everything she did and second guess every word that came out of her mouth.  
"Ehm, I'm good, thanks. There's plenty of coffe in the pantry." Josie replied coldly turning back to her books right after, clearly indicating that their conversation had come to an end.

Penelope tightened her jaw and released a long shaky sigh, trying her best to contain her frustration. She pursed her lips, standing behind the brunette for a moment, she contemplated saying something else, but after pondering her options, she decided against it, she turned around without another word and went back to her desk.

"Got shot down, ah?" MG asked with a slight smirk.

The witch threw him a look that clearly suggested it was better for him to shut up, the boy closed his mouth quickly. Penelope was only partly satisfied with still being able to scare people, it meant that her usual self was still effective.

She was about to ask the vampire to talk about something else when there was a loud thud. Books falling to the ground and papers scattering everywhere.

Everybody looked at the source of the noise, startled.

Josie and another witch were on the ground, they had clearly bumped into each other and their whole studying material was littering the floor of the library.

"God, can't you look where you are going?!" Josie yelled angered. The young girl, who couldn't have been older than thirteen, looked scared for her life and she muttered an apology while trying to collect her books as fast as possible.

Penelope couldn't help herself and without thinking twice about it, she made her way to the two witches.

"Let me," she said while picking up some of Josie's notes from the ground.

"I don't need your help. I just need her to watch around her!" The twin snapped back. The raven-haired shot a quick apologetic look at the girl next to them, who seemed on the verge of tears.

"C'mon Jos, that was just an accident." Penelope tried to calm her down.

"S-sorry." The young witch stammered again before running out of the library as fast as possible.

"Here," the taller girl said, slowly offering the papers she collected back to Josie, who snapped them from her hands.

"As I said, I don't need you." She replied, her face serious and her words spiteful.

Definitely not the Josie she knew.


	3. Your head is running wild again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I'm sorry I don't understand   
> Where all of this is coming from"

That day Josie didn't knock on her bedroom door. She didn't attack her with rushed kisses while her hands worked on releasing her from her shirt.

Penelope was hesitant in leaving her room, just in case the girl would stop by, but she never did.

The young witch knew she needed to do something. She needed to find a way to help Josie, to actually help her solve her problems and not just bury them, but she also knew that she was way out of her depth. No matter how many books on Post Traumatic Stress and Depression she had found since Josie first came to her, no matter how many strategy plans she had crafted just to toss them away, Penelope knew she couldn't help the brunette alone, she just didn't have the means to do so. The dark-haired also knew she needed to end whatever they were doing, the only thing she needed was the strength to do it.

Penelope was aware that there was a chance that Josie would not want to have anything to do with her after that and the thought scared her more than anything else... Almost.

Watching Josie fade away, never see that happy smile and kind smile on her face was way worse.

She only needed to knock on the wooden door five times before the girl decided to finally open it and by the look of it, the blonde was just as displeased with the visit as she was.

"If you're here to bully me some more, I'll close the door in your face in two seconds, if you're here for Josie, I'll slam it in one. Your choice." The twin said with a hideous smirk on her face.

"I'm not here to fight, Lizzie." Penelope said, digging her short nails in the palms of her hands to try and rise above the frustration that talking to the blonde always brought up in her. Lizzie furrowed her brows slightly, almost confused.

"What do you want?" She asked.

"Can I come in?" Penelope demanded irritated. _This is for Josie. You are doing this for Josie. _She reminded herself. She needed all the help she could get, even if it meant having to suffer through a conversation with the blonde twin.__

Lizzie moved aside and gestured for her to come in.

"Josie is not here." Lizzie said after a moment.

"I know, I'm here to see you." She replied sitting on the brunette's bed. Hardly nothing had changed in the room since they were dating and she had to forcefully push away the hurt and nostalgia that tug painfully at her heart.

"I'm worried about Josie." She explained further. The shorter the conversation, the better for everyone.

"Josie's fine," Lizzie replied dismissing the thought quickly. "She's just stressed out about exams."

Penelope sighed heavily.

"No, it's not the exams, Lizzie." She said firmly, trying to maintain a calm tone of voice. "It's clear that what happened on your birthday has left a mark on her," she said. "She's not the same." She added softly, biting her lip to prevent it from quivering.

"Oh, so you're an expert now?" The blonde asked folding her arms in front of her chest in an aggressive stance. "I know you think you're her protector or something, but you don't know Josie like I do." She added standing up, infuriated by the mere suggestion that she didn't know what was going on with her own twin. "The first few days she could barely sleep, but then she got over it. You weren't there, so don't you dare think you know better than me. Josie is strong, she went through something horrible and now she is on the other side, trying to dig it up again won't do any good." Lizzie finished.

"Please, prove to me that you are not as self absorbed as I say and think about it!" Penelope pleaded, her tone was dangerous, barely contained. It somehow managed to convey both the worry and love she had for Josie and the disdain she felt at Lizzie's lack of understanding. "The fact that she says she is fine, doesn't mean that she actually is. As you said, you know Josie, you know that she would tell you whatever she has to just to drag the attention away from her, but believe me, she is not fine and it's not the exams." She concluded, hoping she could make a breach in the blonde's defenses. She could have said what had been going on in the privacy of her room, how Josie had looked for her to forget the pain, if Lizzie had known that she would have definitely agreed with her, if for no other reason than to drag her sister away from Penelope. But the raven-haired couldn't betray Josie's trust like that.

Her only hope was that Lizzie could see how worried she was and the feeling would be enough to overcome whatever hatred they felt for each other to help Josie.

Lizzie gaze turned ice cold, she did not like the way Penelope was talking to her.

"Josie is fine and I honestly think you should leave her alone, because the only person that had managed to crush her heart was you. So don't get all on your high horse now, Park." She spat out.

Penelope left soon after that, it was clear then, that Lizzie was too proud to admit that maybe she was right.

Even though Lizzie's opinion of Penelope was pretty low, basically nearing Satan on the great scale of evil, their conversation did leave a mark on the blonde.

Lizzie had been incapable of thinking about anything else than what the irritating witch had said.

_To think that she could have been my sister in law... _She thought shivering at the idea, trying to shove the raven-haired's words in a dark corner of her mind.__

The girl was delusional, bent on making her life miserable and she did break her twin's heart, surely she couldn't believe a word that came out of her mouth, right? But then, what if she was right? If there was even a tiny chance she had been telling the truth, she couldn't stand by and watch her sister suffer in silence.

By the time Josie made it back to their room, Penelope's words had carved a gigantic whole of worry and doubt in Lizzie's mind, like a worm working its way in the ground.

"There you are, where the hell have you been?" The blonde asked when the other witch got in.

"I was studying in the library." The brunette replied frowning, confused about the worried tone.

"Oh," Lizzie said. That made sense. She looked at her twin as she took her books out of the bag and walked around the room. "Josie, you are ok, right?" The blonde asked. Surely checking in couldn't hurt and it definitely didn't mean she was listening to what her sister's evil ex had said.

Josie looked at her even more confused. "What?" She asked. "Of course I'm fine, I was just studying."

"No, I mean, about what happened the day of our birthday." Lizzie clarified.

"You said we shouldn't talk about it anymore." Josie replied diverting her gaze.

"Yeah, I know, but you are over it, right? I mean we had that amazing time in Europe with mum and now you are good, right?" She asked again.

"Yeah, sure." The brunette replied shrugging her shoulders as nonchalantly as she could, she busied herself in putting away her notes in a folder even though she knew she was just going to take them out again in a while to review.

Lizzie seemed satisfied enough, feeling only slightly silly for believing even for a second that Penelope might have been right.

If she had only looked at her sister a little bit more closely, she could have seen the sense of panic and terror taking over her body.

Josie tried to breath through her nose as she had told Lizzie to do so many times, her hands were starting to shake out of control and the churning in her stomach was getting unbearable, but she couldn't let her twin see her like that.

"Oh shit, I think I forgot one of my books in the library." She said, making up the first excuse she could think of to run out of the bedroom before her breathing could get any more shallow.

She knew what was going on with her, she knew she was having a panic attack and she only knew one way to get rid of it. Josie stumbled down the corridor, her limbs felt heavy and tingly, her vision was starting to blur and the sense of impotence was starting to close up her throat. She knocked desperately against a particular door.

It didn't take long for Penelope to open up and it took even less time for Josie to close it behind them and start kissing her ex fervently.


	4. You used to lie so close to me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I let you see the parts of me that weren't all that pretty..."

When Penelope woke up the next morning and felt that Josie was still in her arms, her heart almost burst out of her chest out of happiness. Maybe the brunette was finally ready to let some of her walls down, maybe it was finally time to put the pieces back together.

The raven-haired tightened her grip around the other girl. Just a little tighter, careful not to wake her up. She wanted to linger in this blissful moment for just a little while longer.

The witch tried to engrave into her memory every detail of that morning, not that Josie's body wasn't already committed to her memory for the rest of her days. How her soft naked skin felt against her own, how her messy vanilla scented hair were tickling her face or how she could feel the other girl's chest rise and fall rhythmically. Every detail made her feel like everything was right in the world, like there was no other place she would have rather be.

Penelope must have been so comfortable that she fell back to sleep, because when she woke up again her bed was empty and cold once again and those brief moments she had experienced almost felt like a beautiful dream.

\--*--

Penelope sighed heavily. At least it was Saturday. She had the whole day to find Josie and try once again to fix everything. There was no way she could go back to meaningless sex after that morning.

The plan was simple: help Josie get better and then win her back.

Everything else was just meaningless noise.

When she got out of her bedroom later that morning, Penelope felt a little more like herself; she had a purpose and a plan and half a speech. She didn't need anything else. Well, except for maybe finding Josie.

After months of feeling her heart tearing up a bit more every time she watched the brunette shove all her true feelings aside, she finally felt like it all made sense.

Penelope found Josie in the library, as it was to be expected.

The witch took a deep breath before making her way to the long, heavy table.

"Hi Jojo," she said, hands still, voice sure and that smile she reserved only for the brunette plastered on her face.

"Thought I told you to stay away, Park." Lizzie said through gritted teeth, but not even Lizzie freaking Saltzman could prevent her from saying what she needed to, so Penelope exercised all of her self restrain to not spit back something equally malevolent at the blonde, her eyes never moving from Josie's confused face.

"Can I talk to you for a moment?" She asked softly.

"Are you deaf?!" The blonde asked.

"Privately." Penelope added, quickly contemplating how much harm could a silencing spell do.

"Whatever you have to-" Lizzie interjected again.

"Liz, it's ok. It's just gonna take me a minute." Josie interrupted her sister, standing up and motioning Penelope for a secluded corner of the big room.

The raven-haired briefly rehearsed the speech in her head in the few steps that it took for them to be alone and undisturbed.

"Before you say anything," the brunette said as  soon as they were far enough from indiscreet ears. "Last night was a mistake." She added.

Penelope could have sworn she heard her heart break right then and there.

She hoped her face didn't betray how she actually felt, because she actually felt like crying and it had only taken Josie few seconds and five words.

"I was exhausted and I fell asleep, it shouldn't have happened. It won't happen again." Josie explained, as if the raven-haired actually needed the clarification, as if she couldn't already feel the pieces of her heart dig and cut  into the inside of her chest.

Penelope looked away, discarding the speech she had prepared as she did so. Her hands fell limply against her sides, she had never felt that broken before, but Josie was looking at her expectantly, wondering what she had wanted to talk to her about, so she had to make a decision. Fast.

"Josie," she said softly, in a sigh, that word felt as heavy as she felt. "I can't do this anymore." The witch stated firmly, as she spoke those words she knew it was the right thing to do, even if it was killing her inside. Josie didn't even try to hide the surprise at hearing the other girl say that sentence.

"Do what?" She asked genuinely confused.

"This casual thing we are doing..." Penelope said, feeling her eyes well up with tears. "It's not healthy for either of us." She added.

The taller girl was looking at the brunette's face closely, trying to decipher every expression to get a sense of what she was feeling.

She saw the surprise and the flash of hurt, which was quickly replaced by an expression of bitterness that contorted her face in a way Penelope had never seen.

"I can't believe you are trying to break up with me when we are not even together." Josie said with a scoff.

"What?" Penelope asked shocked. "That's not what I'm..."

"What, do you get a kick out of breaking up with me or something?"

"No! Josie, that's not at all what I'm doing." Penelope tried to explain, shocked that the girl had mistaken her words so much. How could things go so wrong so fast? "I'm worried about you, you haven't been yourself. I know you are still hurting about what happened on your birthday, but what we are doing is not the right way to deal with it..." She said, faster than she thought it was possible, afraid that the other girl would interrupt her again, but the look of distaste had yet to leave her face.

"I get it, Penelope, you got bored of me again, no need to make excuses." Josie said and the raven-haired's mouth slacked open. She had to know that what she was saying was simply ridiculous, right?

"What?! That's not what I said!" She stammered. Not believing her ears. "Listen to yourself, Josie! This is not you." The witch added grabbing the other girl's hands, pleadingly.

"It's ok, you don't have to have sex with me ever again. Don't worry, it was the last time anyway." Josie said hurt, turning around.

"It's not about that, Jo, wait!" She begged, stopping her just a few steps later, if either of them had paid any attention to anything that wasn't each other, they would have noticed that their conversation was starting to drag the eyes of the other students in the library.

"I'm not gonna stand here and let you make me feel ashamed of myself." The brunette spat out, yanking her arm away.

"God damn it, Josie, you are not listening to me!" Penelope yelled and that definitely got her attention and not just the brunette's, but everybody in the room was looking at their exchange now.

"I'm saying that I love you!" She said, her voice loud enough for everyone to hear, the witch wasn't one to express her feelings quite so openly or loudly usually, but she didn't know what else to do to make the brunette listen to her, maybe yell was the way to achieve something.

Josie turned to look at her, the look of disdain and bitterness was gone, replaced by confusion.

"I love you," Penelope said again, more softly this time. "I've never stopped loving you and I know you are suffering I just... I can't watch you do that to yourself anymore." The witch kept going, she had the brunette's full attention, for the first time in months Josie was actually listening to her, that was her chance to make her realize what was going on.

"I know you'd rather solve everybody else's problems before asking for help, but you need help, Jojo. Whatever you were doing with me, that was just another trip to Europe, just another way to run. You need to heal." Her eyes were definitely glossy now. "I know that I'm probably the last person you'd want by your side for this, but you know how relentless I can be and you know that when I put my head into something I don't let go until I achieve it and you, Josie," she said taking a step closer to the startled girl whose eyes were just as teary as her own. "Have always been my priority." She finished kissing her cheek gently. "From tomorrow you stop running and you start healing." She whispered in her ear and then Penelope left the library.

The raven-haired knew Josie needed time to process what she had just told her and she didn't want to push her too fast, she would be doing enough pushing starting tomorrow.

It didn't hurt that she was on the verge of tears and she didn't really feel like having a public melt down, she had already reached her quota of public display of emotions for the day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Who else can't wait for episode 10?! The waiting is almost over!!! Can't wait!!!  
> Hope you liked :)


	5. We are not broken just bent

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Just give me a reason,  
> Just a little bit's enough  
> Just a second we are not broken just bent  
> And we can learn to love again"

Penelope wasn't sure how much time had passed since she had gotten back to her room, but she knew it must have been a considerable amount, because her head was pounding and her eyes felt like sandpaper, completely drained of every last drop of water she had in her body.

The witch knew that all of the things Josie had said to her were a result of her defense mechanism, she understood that the brunette would have never said anything like that if she had been fine. That didn't mean it hurt any less. Penelope knew she probably deserved it too, after all she did break up with her.

Her train of thought was quickly interrupted by someone pounding at her door. The witch groaned, climbing out of bed begrudgingly. _Better be important._ She thought while stumbling to open the door.

And important it was. In front of her stood an out of breath Josie and unlike all the other times, the brunette didn't attack her lips as soon as she saw her.

"You can't say stuff like that and then just leave." Josie said, pushing her way in the room.

"I'm sorry, I wanted to give you some space." Penelope said closing the door.

"Well, you can't do that," the twin repeated. "You can't say stuff like that anymore." She said again, taking a long shaggered breath. "It's not fair." She added, her voice breaking just slightly. Another agonized breath. "It's not fair!" She said once more, but that time with a sob at the end and Penelope was holding Josie's body in her arms in matter of seconds.

"It's not fair." She repeated for the third time sobbing in the raven-haired's chest and Penelope was sure she wasn't talking about her speech anymore.

"I know," she assured stroking her hair, feeling her own tears wet her cheeks once more, so maybe she hadn't finished them all.

If the dark haired witch had thought Josie not looking at her was painful, having the girl cry in her arms so desperately was almost unbearable, but she knew Josie needed it, so she stood there, kneeling on her bedroom floor, her heart in pieces and her muscle screaming.

\--*--

They eventually moved to the bed, much to Penelope's knees' delight.

Josie had stopped crying after a while, but the raven-haired didn't stop stroking her back or holding her.  
Neither of them said anything for a long time, simply enjoying the comfort of being so close together with no expectations.

"I'm sorry," Josie said eventually, her voice hoarse. "I was such a bitch to you these past few months." She added, filled with guilt and regret.

"Don't worry about it, I kinda deserved it anyway." Penelope reassured. "Turns out Karma really is a bitch, got my heart broken right back." She added only half jokingly.

"No, Penelope, you didn't deserve what I did to you or how I treated you." The brunette insisted moving out of the girl's embrace to look at her right in the eyes.

"Hey, I'm serious, it's ok, you were hurting. I understand." The witch replied, she brought a hand up to the other girl's cheek, wiping away a lonely tear to try and make her believe she really wasn't mad. "Honestly it was nice to find out that you were human like the rest of us and not so damn perfect." She added, although in her eyes she still could do no wrong. Josie let out a short laugh.

"Oh, is that why you broke up with me? I was too perfect?" She asked teasingly.

"Damn right!" Penelope confirmed. "I got tired of being poked by your unicorn." She added making Josie laugh whole-heartedly as she hadn't done in months.

"Funny how we've dated for six months and today you made the biggest declaration of love I've ever heard," Josie said nonchalantly after a while, so long Penelope had thought she dozed off.

"What are you talking about? I was plenty romantic when we were together," she protested with a smile on her lips.

"Behind close doors, maybe." The brunette interjected with a scoff.

"Are you kidding me?" Penelope demanded genuinely confused. "What about that time I made a picnic for you with all the candles and the roses?" She asked, ignoring once again the tug of nostalgia that hit her every time she thought about their time together.

"There was no one around." Josie laughed fondly at the memory.

"Well, that's not my fault and do you remember that time I brought you flowers outside of class?"

The brunette blushed, she did remember that. It was one of her favorite memories of their whole relationship, the first time she had said 'I love you' when Penelope had surprised her with her favorite flowers in the middle of the school day just because Josie had mentioned she wasn't having a great day.

The raven-haired might have not been the most comfortable at talking about her feelings or showing them publicly, but it was undeniable that she cared deeply for Josie. Small gestures like that one had filled their relationship and had made Josie feel seen and cared for, she hadn't realized how Penelope had kept doing those little things even after the break up.

"I remember," she replied still deep in thought. "But do you recall that time you almost jumped on the other side of the couch just because you were holding my hand in public?" The brunette replied teasingly, deciding to keep the conversation light for just a little while longer.

"Ok, that's not fair!" Protested the witch. "Your dad burst in the room, that's different." Josie simply laughed at her and they fell back into a comfortable silence.

The brunette's head was laying on Penelope's chest comfortably, the way her chest was raising and falling almost lulling her to sleep.

"You were right." Josie said after a long moment spent debating whether to bring up the subject again or not. "I'm not ok." She added, even though she knew the other girl had no doubts on the subject. "I can't sleep. I can't concentrate. Everytime I close my eyes I either see her staring at me or dirt..." She trailed off, feeling herself getting worked up just thinking about it, but Penelope didn't say anything, she kept on stroking her arm patiently waiting for her to continue. "Everytime anyone as much as mention my birthday I start suffocating, like I can't breathe and my hands start shaking and my vision gets blurry, it's like I'm having a panic attack," she added gripping at the witch's shirt to try and maintain herself calm. "The first time that happened I tried to focus on something else that happened that night, something positive." She explained further. "I tried to think about the moments I got to spend with her before she tried to kill me, but my mind kept wandering back to when I had to suck all the energy out of her." Josie knew she was crying again, but she felt like she had to let it all out. "So I thought about our kiss and that helped, I was less agitated, but it didn't last long. So I came to find you." The brunette said softly resting on her elbow to look the other girl in the eye." And you made all the pain go away. Even if just for a while."

Penelope wiped the tears from her face once again. A mixture of pride and pain boiling in her chest. "I'm sorry about that, by the way." Josie added softly. "You know, for using you..."

"I could think of worse way you could have used me." Penelope said with a smirk, but her expression sobered up quickly. "It wasn't like I wasn't willing and enjoying it, Jojo." she added with a tender smile, trying to reassure her once again that she wasn't mad about it.

"What does your mom say about all of this?" Penelope asked softly after another long silence, Josie shrugged.

"She doesn't know." The brunette replied with a shrug. "The first week or so she tried to made me and Lizzie talk about it, to get it all out and she asked us if we needed to talk to someone about it, but then Lizzie said that we only needed to put the whole thing behind us and enjoy our time in Europe, so I didn't talk about it again."

Penelope fought the urge to scoff loudly at the lack of awareness the blonde twin was equipped with, but she couldn't contain the eye roll that surged involuntarily whenever she heard Lizzie's name.

"I think you need to talk to an expert about this, like a psychologist..." The dark-haired muttered, resuming the movement on the brunette's back.

"I know," Josie sighed. "But it can't be Emma." She added firmly.

"Why not?"

"Because then my dad would find out and I really can't do that to him." The witch replied.

"You are asking for help, you are hardly doing anything that would upset him, Jojo."

"I know, but then he'll be worried and he already has enough stuff on his plate with whatever happened with the dagger and everything else, I don't want to add something else." The girl explained.

Penelope was silent for a moment, glad to have her Josie back, but a bit annoyed at how selfless she was.

"I thought we agreed that you not wanting to bother anyone is how we got in this mess in the first place."  
The raven-haired replied almost teasingly.

"I'm sorry, Penny." The nickname just spilled out of her mouth. It was an accident, she could have sworn. Being in the same bed like they were laying there lazily talking felt too comfortable and too familiar.

The raven-haired smiled to herself at the nickname, but she didn't point it out.

"Ok," she said instead. "Then we'll find someone in town, we'll ask MG to compell them or something."

"Compelling? Don't you think that's a bit... I don't know... Unethical?" Josie asked disturbed at the idea of taking away hours of someone's life.

"Well, I don't think you can tell your problems effectively leaving out the supernatural part." Penelope replied quickly. "Whatever it's necessary." She added sure.

The brunette stared at the other girl for a long moment as if she was trying to read her mind.

"What about us?" She asked after what felt like forever spent tracing every inch of skin on the raven-haired's face with her eyes.

"What about us?" The girl replied confused.

"You said that you couldn't have sex with me anymore, what about taking things slower?" She asked. "Like going back and do it right this time?"

Penelope was briefly taken aback by the question, she stared intently into the other witch's eyes. Then she sighed deeply.

"Josie..." She started.

"Oh, wow, I guess I misread that big time!" The twin backtracked hastily trying to get up from the bed, embarrassed.

"No, no, wait." Penelope said quickly realizing how her reaction must have looked like. "I would want nothing more than be able to call you my girlfriend again." She said making Josie stop to listen. "But I want to make sure it won't interfere with you getting better first." The raven-haired added. "If the doctor says it's not an issue than it would be my pleasure to properly take you out for our ... Second first date." She added stroking her cheek lovingly with a light chuckle. "But if the doctor says that it might prevent you from healing completely, than I will wait until you're back to a hundred percent. I told you that you've always been my priority and I meant it, if it comes down to it I'd choose you above everything and everyone else. Even our relationship." She finished, honesty pouring out of her eyes.

Josie looked at her with a serious expression on her face, trying to decipher her words.

"You do that a lot, don't you?" She asked finally.

"Do what?"

"Put me first."

"I love you." Penelope replied shrugging, as if that was the only explanation Josie needed, as if that was the reason behind every mysterious action the raven-haired has ever done and Josie's eyes got watery, because how could they not?

It felt incredible to not be only understood completely by the beautiful girl in front of her, but also regarded as the most important person in the world, it was flattering and it stroked a part of her ego that she didn't even know she had. It made her feel warm a giddy.

"That's why you broke up with me, isn't it?" She asked finally connecting the dots. "You were putting me before our relationship." She said, almost elated at the realization, like a huge weight had been lifted from her shoulders.

Penelope didn't say anything, but her look spoke volumes.

"One day, I'd like for you to tell me why." Josie finished and she realized that for the first time since their break up, she wasn't conflicted about her feelings. She wasn't torn between love and hate, she didn't feel anything but love for the other girl.

"One day." The raven-haired said in a soft promise with a happy smile on her lips.

Josie laid her head back on the other girl's chest, feeling the loud and fast beating of her heart, almost as joyous as her own.

Her eyes closed heavily, smile plastered on her face and the recognition that everything was going to be fine.

"I love you too." Josie managed to mumble before falling asleep.

And Penelope could have sworn that the pieces of her heart were going back to their place and all it took were four words and an emotional afternoon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you liked :)

**Author's Note:**

> Anyone can guess what song are the titles from?  
> Hope you enjoyed :)


End file.
